Main Street Journal

Oh, the Places You’ll Hear DNC Talking Points


The Coretta Scott King Wellstone Memorial
Because it worked so well for Democrats in Minnesota a few years ago, the liberals ostensibly paying tribute to the life of the wife of Martin Luther King Jr. decided to turn it into an anti-Bush stump speech. What these people lack, I think, is decorum.

During one of my recent masochistic trials listening to Air America, some lunatic was talking about how Cindy Sheehan got herself thrown out of the Capitol during the State of the Union address, or rather how “Bush threw her out.” To the host’s credit, she also mentioned the pro-U.S. t-shirt lady as well, but blamed both of their untimely exits directly on President Bush, as if he had personally escorted them out of the room. This, we’re supposed to assume, means that President Bush is a fascist dictator suppressing free speech. But what it actually means is that Democrats have lost all sense of decorum. Now just about everything is subject to political hijacking — funerals, church sermons, films, concerts, sporting events, awards shows… you name it. Nothing is safe.

In fact, we’ve come to the point now where you can be indentified as a conservative just by brushing your teeth without turning it into a protest against… Big Mint or something. I think the speech goes something like this:

I brush with Tofupaste* every morning; it’s my little way of sticking it to all those corporate schmucks at Crest, Colgate, Aquafresh and Halliburton who poison us with their environmentally unfriendly, animal-tested products. Each tube of the conventional brands contains mind-control agents which actually rot your teeth, eat away at your brain and send you secret messages from Karl Rove. Take a look and you’ll find that 55% of the active ingredients are highly-addictive oil-based by-products, which cause you to crave more and more toothpaste, feeding the cycle of consumption and capitalist corruption, suppression of minorities and women, global warming and the dismantling of The Wall Between Church and State.

* - Now with the whitening power of hemp! Just look for the picture of Che Guevara on the bottle. Legal in California, Massachusetts, Las Vegas and New New Orleans.

You know, not that there’s exactly a decorum to heed when brushing your teeth, but maybe you get the point.

See also Mark A. Rose, Glen Dean, GOP & College and Jeff Ward.

But You Don’t Need an ID to Vote. You Don’t Even Need to be Alive.

Clearly, The DNC Needs More Fords and Herentons

Separated at Birth
Somebody has invited Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to visit Cuba, but I’m not sure if it was Fidel Castro or Dan Rather.

Dan RatherFidel Castro

Perhaps both.

Fidel Castro and Dan Rather

2 comments so far

Oh, where were all the stalwart, white Republicans back in 1968, that they could have issued decorum points on these comments:

“It is now for us, all the millions of the living who care, to take up his torch of love. It is for us to finish his work, to end the awful destruction in Vietnam, to root out every trace of race prejudice from our lives, to bring the massive powers of this nation to aid the oppressed and to heal the hate-scarred world.”

I miss the days when every cabloid for a week re-wrote the history of the last Republic Party president to pass. Good times.

“Only Barry had the stature and resolve to undertake the systemic reform of the military. And, as we observed in the splendid performance of our military in the Persian Gulf War, notably free of the chain-of-command and service rivalry problems of the past, and saw the extraordinary effectiveness of their weapons, from the Patriot Missile to the M1 tank, we witnessed the great contribution to Barry Goldwater made to our defense. It is no exaggeration to say that today’s American Armed Forces, which have no equal in the world, are the armed forces Barry Goldwater created. ”

From McCain’s Goldwater Eulogy.